Mary Romainec has a pretty unique way of negotiating the IEP process for children with Aspergers and Autism. She has been through the process with her own son and her own perspective was in part formed by her employment history. That’s because Mary has worked in business for many years as a buyer for a large company. So she views the whole process of the IEP as a business negotiation and she’s had some pretty impressive results from taking this point of view.
Firstly she discovered that the school district representatives, whilst generally supportive of her son, were not actually the best people to advocate on his behalf. When it came to “The Company” (Mary’s son) the best negotiator was Mary herself (whom she described as being the CEO of her son’s company). Because in actual fact the school district had to consider its own needs in the negotiation (which relate to funding, finance and the like) and it’s clear that they are not exactly the same as Mary’s sons needs.
So with that in mind Mary feels that it is really important to treat the IEP meeting as you would a business process such as a meeting or negotiation. And here are 6 key tips for doing this:
1. Don’t bring donuts and coffee – Mary has known parents to take this homely approach in an attempt to keep the process “all friendly”. But this is not appropriate in the IEP arena – the aim is to be firm and polite, but making friends is not the point of the exercise. So don’t try to make friends it’s not necessary, and can be counter productive.
2. Leave emotion at the door – Without doubt the IEP process is hugely emotional for parents, as is the raising of all children. They are OUR child and of course it is driven by emotion. However this emotion needs to be “turned off” at the door when entering the meeting. So that negotiations can be open but matter of fact.
3. Be prepared – This means doing your “homework” on what your child needs and what you want from the IEP. It can also mean talking with outside professionals for help. For example Mary paid for a 20 minute session with a local Special Educational Needs attorney who was able to advice her on the IEP proposals she had been sent by her son’s school. It also means talking with the school ahead of the meeting – to get their findings and reports (as often this is just left until the meeting).
4. Dress to impress – As you want to be taken seriously in a professional meeting it’s important to not just turn up in dirty t-shirt, ripped clothing etc. It is important to project an air of professionalism.
5. Be forceful and not aggressive – Mary was clear that she is always very clear, firm and consistent in what she is asking for, and what she’ll agree to. However personal name calling and verbally aggressive outbursts can undermine parents and what they are trying to achieve.
6. Make the school district aware – Another really interesting tip that Mary shared with me was that she wrote 9 letters over the course of 3 weeks notifying the school district what her son’s needs were. She advocates physical letter writing as a great way to get noticed and also for the audit trail it leaves. Verbal conversations and meetings do not have a clear audit trail and can be misinterpreted or even denied. And you want a very clear of trail of communication about your child.
I hope these 6 tips were really helpful. You can find out more about Mary at her website www.maryromaniec.com As well as in my upcoming interview series (more on that soon).
Thanks
Dave Angel
P.S. Please add your comments and questions below this article.
I find these tips to be very interesting, as a mom of a 16yr old girl with autism in Trinidad and Tobago we have not even begun to scratch the surface where autism is concerned. I am a final year Social Work student and i am going to be an advocate for Autism here!!!
These tips are certainly going to be very helpful to me as I already have some of these attributes…..thank you again Mary and Dave!!
Lydia
Glad you enjoyed them…
My son was diagnosed with Aspergers in Kindergarten. Now he is in 1st grade. Before he ever started school, and before his diagnosis, I transfered him to another school than the one in our district because of my doing daycare. This school is a lot smaller, and I am so happy we transferred him. Its small enough the whole staff including janitor know him by name. Now my husband and I are the special ed representatives for the school to the district office here in Lincoln, Ne. The above suggestions are good. My only other suggestion is if you are asked to become a representative, make sure if you can, talk with other parents of special ed kids at your school to see what changes, additions, or subtractions to the special ed programs and IEP’s at their children’s school so when you attend meetings, you can include things that will benefit all the special ed kids, not just your own.
Great suggestion Gina
When our son was 11, he was diagnosed with Asperger’s. He is now 13. Upon going into 7th grade, my husband and I felt that our son needed a 504 plan for some of the academic concerns we had. The entire process was wonderful. The assistant principal and staff was extremely compassionate, helpful and fully invested in our concerns for our son. My husband and I prepared ourselves for the meeting by making a list of our son’s strengths and disabilities. We also made note of what we thought he needed in the classroom to provide the best academic success. I have to admit that I don’t totally agree with Mary’s 6 tips. My husband I went to the meeting wearing comfortable clothes, friendly attitudes and full of emotions (well me mostly). In return, my son’s “team” was completely devoted in helping our son reach his fullest potential. It truly was an incredible experience. To have the assistant principal, his math, LA, science and social studies teachers, both school counselors, the school psychologist and the OT all present and fully invested in your child is an overwhelming feeling. I have had not one complaint with the support this team has shown my child. If I email anyone of them, I am instantly emailed back. We are all on a first name basis. I believe I have had this type of relationship because of the emotion we showed at the first meeting. We taught this staff that the love we have for our child is huge and we are willing to climb the highest mountain to provide the best for him. In doing so, this staff has shown that they’re willing to make the climb with us!
Great to hear such a positive experience Michelle
Our daughter was 15 yrs when she was diagnosed with Aspergers. I didn’t really know alot about IEPs and the school in it’s wisdom shunted my daughter to an alternative school for troubled youths. Not knowing about IEP or such she attended this school online as she was scared of the students.
This year, I came more prepared and for the past 4 months have tried working with the school to set up either a 504 or IEP. Personally, I feel like I am getting the run around and they really don’t want to deal with us as the school is truly doing the minimal in helping us set up any plan.
However, after reading your article I plan to do more research follow your suggestions.
OK good luck Sandra and let us know if we can help further…