In a recent interview with Jeff Deutsch (an adult with Aspergers and a coach to people with Aspergers) revealed 3 key reasons why children with Aspergers can be vulnerable to bullying:
1. Problems in reading danger signals – Children with Aspergers can fail to pick up the social cues or hints that they should avoid a certain person or situation (because it could be dangerous for them).
2. They are less likely to have friends – Jeff feels that bullies are predatory and will “hunt” for the easiest or weakest “prey”. If children are with friends they are less easy to bully. But if a child is alone and struggling with social groups then they are more likely to be seen as a target by the bully.
3. They may provoke others – In an interesting stance Jeff quotes a well known U.S. self defense expert Marc “Animal” McYoung on the subject of “dual culpability”. Which means that in any instance of aggression/conflict then both parties are in some way responsible. Jeff says that in reference to Aspergers this could be an unconscious act – for example standing physically close to someone, refusing eye contact, or having poor personal hygiene. Often such deficits in social skills can be seen to play a role in the bullying of that child.
And as you may imagine from that list above there is a common ground. All of them could be much better handled and hopefully avoided by better social skills. So Jeff feels that the key to helping your child is by improving his/her social skills. Jeff says that such social skills teaching has to be very explicit and clearly set out for the child to be able to learn. Several areas that he mentions are:
1. Eye contact – Children with Aspergers may offer no eye contact or in the other extreme stare for much longer than is socially comfortable for people.
2. Personal space – Many children with Aspergers may physically stand too close to other people and cause them in turn to feel uncomfortable and negative to the child.
3. Voice volume – Children with Aspergers may not differentiate that the voice that you use indoors (in the class room) should generally be quieter than the one you would use outdoors (in the playground).
Obviously there are many different areas of social skills for children to develop over time. But the key is that children with Aspergers can learn these skills if broken down into easy-to-follow basic steps. So equipping your child with relevant social skills maybe the biggest single thing you can do to help them avoid or cope with bullying.
You can hear more from Jeff in my upcoming Aspergers Eduation program…
But if you just can’t wait until then please check out Jeff’s website at www.asplint.com
Thanks for reading,
Dave Angel
Although some may not agree with the “dual culpability”, the law does. My aspie son who I’ve tried to get an IEP for 2 years, pulled out a pocket knife when he was being bullied in the classroom (talk about no social skills, he did it in front of everyone where he could get caught) Now he’s being charged with 2 misdemeanors. He’s being held accountable but the school, the administration, the teacher and the students who bullied him are totally off the hook. I’m suing the school and pleading “not guilty” to the criminal charges hoping to bring light to the fact how so many kids with disabilities look like the “bully” when they finally strike back. Here’s a very good article about bullying, also.
http://www.iancommunity.org/cs/articles/bullying
Good luck with that Valerie please let us know how this progreses. I think it’s ridiculous that just your son is taking the balme for all of this…
I agree. My son with Asperger’s is always being written up for actions when he is provoked. I am not seeing the “bullyer” being disciplined and neither does my son. What can of message are we sending to our kids? And my school has an anti-bullying campaign. Actions speak louder than words. Do something about it, not just talk about it.
Hear hear…
Along with my child having a little bit of a personal space issue, we had a issue with the school where the AP said it was what my child was wearing that caused the bullying. This was recorded. I will note that my child does not wear anything unusual or the same thing everyday. It just turned out that the kids figured out my childs buttons and knew how to push them, luckily one child wrote down that others were encouraging my child to do thing she shouldn’t because it was funny. Unfortunately the administration thought my child was ” so smart, she should know better” and if she acted better then she wouldn’t get bullied. We never did hear what happened to the perpetraters, school systems never let you know.
That’s a sad, but probably common, occurence. There’s still a lot of work to be done for children with Aspergers in school.
I totally agree with dual culpability. My Aspie son was bullied for 2 years (that we know of). It took a long time for the school to recognise that it wasn’t all my son’s fault – countless meetings, discussions and detective work on my part to ensure that they understood what was going on. We had no issue with our son being disciplined for “bad behaviour”, however, we also wanted the other child/ren involved to be disciplined to the same extent. (Just becuase they were subtle and our son was overt does not make them any less culpable – in my eyes anyway).
In the end, we pulled him out and are home schooling him. We found that although the school did try to stop the bullying, it was an integral part of the culture within my son’s year and as such wasn’t going to change. Surprisingly – or not, since we removed him from the school, all the “bad behaviours” have stopped.
Unfortunately, until cctv is installed throughout schools so that the more subtle bullying becomes visable, I can’t see this situation changing.
Indeed this is a worrying trend of kids with Aspergers bearing the brunt of the discipline…
Dave,
What can I do to get the administration and teachers to start or keep a better eye out for my 2 Autistic children that are bullied, not only physically, but emotionally and verbally? I’ve pointed out the children to the teachers and administration, – children that my kids have told me about, but I can’t be there holding their hands everyday. And they seem oblivious to what is happening in their classrooms. Their response was “I never knew”. :/ I’m a “tad” frustrated at this school system here.
Thanks!
Brooke
I would start by documenting everything in writing to the school. See tip 6 on http://aspergerseducationtips.com/aspergers-iep/6-key-tips-for-the-child-with-aspergers-in-the-iep-process/
Cheers
Dave
Dave,
My son has been bullied in the neighborhood emotionally and physically for the last couple of years. Because he rides the bus and goes to school with the same boys he plays in the neighborhood with, it is spilling over. I had no idea that things were starting to get phyiscal until my Aspie son told me the other day that the same neighborhood bully has been slapping and punching him on the school bus every day, but tells him he is “just playing”. We have already had to have him walk to a different bus stop due to the verbal assaults he lays on my son in the mornings which usually leads to an emotional break down before the bus even arrived. I went to the principal this time and she said that she would take care of the physical stuff, which she said they would put him at the front of the bus or something (the bully)….but sometimes I don’t feel this is enough for kids in the 3rd/4th grade to grasp the true idea that this really is wrong. Then my son tries to make excuses for this boy so he can have someone to play with after school because all his little friends choose to go play with the bully and not stay and play with him. It makes me want to cry for him because I have to tell my son he can’t play with a kid who will hit him. He says he will go play with the other kids and not talk to the bully. What do you say to that??
Thanks for listening!
Andrea
Have you thought about approaching the bullies parents to discuss this issue? I think that would be my first step…
I am an adult Aspie who went through mainstream schooling for all my school years. I was bullied the whole time right up to matric. Regarding the reasons the article gives for bullying, I only had one: Poor eye contact. I have always been obsessive about cleanliness and I prefer more personal space than most people, due to being tactle defensive.
From reading about AS and looking back on my experiences, I have come to realise that there are three other reasons that Aspies get bullied:
- Poor motor co-ordination, poor muscle tone and dyspraxia causing the Aspie to look clumsy.
- The Aspie’s sensory issues giving the other pupils something to annoy him with. For example, when they find out the Aspie is overly sensitive to sound, they will purposely make loud sounds or get a reaction out of him.
- The Aspie being slow to process information. This can manifest in being slower than his classmates to understand certain concepts the teacher is explaining, slower to understand jokes (which makes him stand out from the rest) and the Aspie being too slow to think of a response when he teased, making it look like the bully has the upper hand.